Take it Away!
by Stepherz
Summary: * Chapter 3 Up * This is a parody-ish fic. You will need an open mind, and a [sick] sense of humor. It's my first attempt at something funny...ongoing. Limeish - slash - blasphemy...
1. Pre-game Activities

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Title - Take it Away!  
**Disclaimer **- The usual - I own the plot, theme, and parody. Disney owns the Ducks, unfortunately. Umm… The cheer idea is from Bring it On, and the song…well, I dunno who sings it, or what the name is, but…oh well. ^.^;  
**Rating **- This is "R" rated for rather obvious reasons.  
**You Will Need **- You will need a [sick] sense of humor, a strong stomach, an open mind and moderate knowledge of The Mighty Ducks.  
**Warning **- Okay okay, warnings…lots. Charlie/Adam, Fulton/Portman, Russ/Ken, Guy/Connie, Guy/Charlie, Fulton/Charlie, Julie/Connie. Lime - parody - idiocy - slash  
**AN** - It's my first attempt at Parody/Humor . . . Please tell me what you think =)

We're tough, We're cool   
They think we rule the school   
We're skatin', you stare   
And it's enough to scare!   
We're famous, We're known   
Our minds are really blown!   
Nothing will suffice   
I dominate the ice   
Who are we? Just guess!  
You know that we're the best!   
We autograph and wave   
Although that's just our way   
We bash 'em, We tromp   
We all know how to romp   
We lasso, We soar   
And a W for WAR!  
We score, we fly   
We're never gonna tie!  
Nothing's every good enough  
We're satisfied by fucks   
We are the ducks   
We're The Mighty Ducks

The team roared as they seethed through the inlets of Eden Hall's various corridors. Adam and Charlie pranced hand-in-hand down the hall, and the rest of the team, idiotically clueless, followed closely. The team had been sticking closer together than ever. No one knew why - No one wanted to know.

"Hey, Charlie?" Adam giggled.

"What?" He crinkled his nose, trying to show affection.

Adam snorted as he inhaled, and threw Charlie into an empty classroom. Charlie, giggling waited for Adam to come. The rest of the team, unnoticing, marched onward to the skating rink.

"Finally…we're alone." Adam giggled again.

Charlie swooned, falling onto a desk.

Adam rushed to him, taking Charlie's head in his hands, and crushed their lips together in a fiery kiss. They started on the desk, moving to the floor. Charlie started humming. Adam crossly raised his eyebrows.

"Can that wait?"

"You reminded me of a song." Charlie covered.

"Oh?" Adam grinned.

"Yeah…" Charlie, teheing, stood up.

L is for the way you look, at me.  
O is for the only one I see.  
V is very very, extraordinary, and  
E is even more than anyone that you adore  
And love is all that I can give to you  
Love is more than just a, game or twoO

Adam put a hand over Charlie's mouth, silencing the off-key screeches that had been ejected from it.

"That's very sweet, Charlie."

There was a knock at the door, and both Adam and Charlie looked up. Fulton was standing there, looking very unhappy.

"Are you guys coming?" He bellowed in his deepest possible voice.

Adam and Charlie followed him obediently to the rink, where they changed for their game.

Fulton brushed Portman's leg with his thumb, running the length of his thigh. Portman shivered appreciatively, and finished changing.

Russ and Ken were having a 'water-war'. Each took turns spraying water with their water bottles. They soon disappeared into an empty shower.

Julie and Connie, having left the room to change, took longer than the rest. Each took turns flashing the mirror, and wondered why it never said anything about it.

Since Connie was away, Guy was left to view his fill. His particular target of the day, was Charlie, whom his eyes roved to quite often.

Charlie stood in front of the door of the locker room. Suddenly, the door swung open, knocking Charlie onto his face. Connie stood at the door, and Julie was behind her. Charlie propped himself up on his elbows, and smiled charmingly.

"Thanks…I always said I needed a nose job." He motioned to his nose, which had been pressed flat on the cement floor.

The team filed dutifully out onto the ice. They warmed up, which luckily was uneventful.

The referee blew the whistle, Adam moved to face off with the opposing team's center.

The center for the other team, looked at Adam undaunted. Adam quickly decided that he would change that, and made a pucker with his lips, then his tongue flared from his mouth in lizard fashion.

The center was stunned, and his eyes dilated to the size of saucers.

The puck was dropped, and shoved into him, knocking him off his skates, and sending him sprawled onto his back.

The game was on.


	2. Celebration

Note - Okay...so you all [reviewers] liked it so far - thank you! I wasn't really confident in it, but well - here goes nothin', right?  
Warning - Besides previous, adult themes and smutty implications...hadda add that! Just a warning! It's a warning for a reason, y'know! Okay, another bit - it's kind of strange. You'll see what I mean once you've read a bit, but I must apologize if it's hard to follow.

Celebration  
By Stepherz

After the game, the team, sweat-soaked and exhausted from winning against the heavy favorites 6-2. They changed, dressed, and filed out in near silence. A void, that no one dared break.

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If one were to enter the harem that The Eden Hall Mighty Ducks declared their own, one might have heard load, painful and pleasured moans, coming from the dwelling's direction. Among the armchairs, tossed idly into a 'sitting room', several held dormant, lethargic guests, resting easily in the cradle of warmth, and comfort.

If one were to round the corner... As we enter the mind of an unsuspecting "Charlie Conway" we will not only be able to see what he sees, and hear what he hears, but we will be able to read his thoughts...

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PREPARE! 3...2...1...

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-currently entering Charlie Conway's mind-

Rounding a corner, a boy with reddish hair, Averman, yells out while dealing mangled cards across the floor to a meek-looking bunch of 'teammates'.

"The name o' the game is poker..." Averman grinns from beneath his glasses, "Strip poker."

The gathering around him nods, and chuckle approvingly, but our inhabitancy decides to continue without stopping.

__

Strip poker - how juvenile...give me a good ol' spin-the-bottle any day! Now where is that...

Guy pops out of a darkly shadowed room, and our subject, Charlie, tilts his head ever-so-slightly to the side.

-Okay, scientists...get your pens and pencils ready! Here's the man's thoughts on...-

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Guy! Whoa...he's lookin' pretty good. Hidin' something though...Wonder what it could be.

"Hi Guy." Smooth, Charlie, smooth.

"Hey Charlie - was crackin'?" Umm...even better. The boy's a genius!

"Uh, crackin'? Well, nothing's crackin'." Charlie winks...If that's not obvious I dunno what is!

Adam saunters up.

"Hi guys…" He yawns, his hair is a mess, and hanging over his forehead, into his eyes.

"Charlie - Connie's waiting for me, I hafta go." Charlie nods, and Guy disappears, leaving Adam and Charlie together.

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Adam…wonderful, lovely, beautiful…Adam.

Since I am a bit nerved being in Charlie's head, I think I will now proceed to EXIT…

**__**

-currently exiting Charlie Conway's mind-

SAFETY!

[AN -- Switching to past tense now…easier to write -- ]

Charlie smiled at Adam, who yawned and smiled back.

"Something wrong, Adam?"

"Nah…I can't beat that damn video game!" He was referring to a skydiving video game.

Charlie chuckled.

"You know what I always say…if at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you!"

Adam giggled. 

"Gee, thanks Charlie."

Adam wandered off, in search of some one to help him beat the evil bird that swooped out of the clouds, just as you were about to land.

He came upon Julie, who was sitting in a strange solitude.

"Hi Julie, can you help me with something?"

"I can help only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either." Her voice came out in an odd drone. Adam raised his eyebrows, but moved on.

He smiled at Russ, who had his shirt off, since he was playing strip poker with Averman and half of the other ducks.

"Russ - you can help me, you're a video game genius." Adam hoped he'd finally get the help he needed.

"Wait…I'm confused." Russ ignored him.

"I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well." Averman chimed, very seriously.

Adam sighed, shrugged, and moved off to watch some TV. Flicking the channel on, an announcer with a deep voice began repeating…

"Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel will be out. I repeat…" Adam changed the channel.

A woman announcer with a high-pitched annoying voice showed pictures of people, picking their noses, following with…  
"Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have." Adam snorted and flicked the TV off.

He got up, and walked into the kitchen, where Kenny was rocking back and forth slowly, wrapped in a blanket. Adam figured that he had lost a round of strip poker.

"Ken?" Adam raised an eyebrow.

"Trust everybody…then cut the cards." He mumbled, still rocking.

Adam heard screeching from the other room, where the card players were gathered.

"Sorry, but my karma just kinda ran over your dogma." He couldn't place the voice, but smiled anyhow.

Adam decided to try and talk to Portman, they weren't close, but Portman was cool, and would talk to him…or so Adam thought.

When Adam reached Portman's door, he read a sign on it that said "_I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait._" Adam, being confused again, whistled and kept walking. He ran into Charlie.

"Hullo Charles." Charlie raised his eyebrows, his eyes widening.

"Charles?"

"Chuck - Charlie - Charles - Chaz! Hello." Adam sighed exasperatedly and Charlie giggled.

"Well, glad that you're glad to see me glad!" Adam made a face.

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"Uhm , okay."

"Hey Adam…" Charlie flushed a bright red.

"Hmm?"

"Wanna go out to dinner tomorrow night?" Adam flushed.

"Uh…yeah! Sure…"

Charlie smiled, hugged Adam, and raced down the hall in search of some one to help him prepare for the next night.

Adam watched him run off, with a wide-eyed expression. He'd better be finding some help too.

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AN - If it helps any…The italics are Charlie's thoughts…I'm sorry that was so confusing…I thought about re-doing the whole thing, but I was too lazy. 


	3. Beauty is Pain

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AN - The normal apologies for being so slow to update. Can't promise how soon the next one will be out, either.  
**Dedication** - Victory Thru Tears, for encouraging me, inspiring me, and because I owe you a dedication, my big sister! ~-^

The rather odd sounds from the previous chapter came from an alleged Dean Portman's resting-place. Indeed, he was not out in search of himself, as Adam might have believed.

"Porty…" Fulton mused at the sign on the door once they were done disturbing the peace.

"Huh? What?" A mindless ouff replied. In truth, he wasn't as dense as everyone thought him…he simply thought that daydreaming was far better than real-life. The content of his daydreams is something I will exclude from this portion of the story, but you will see the 'out in space' Portman again… I assure you.

He had his hair in "Tom Felton" style…straightened and slicked back. In other words, minus the bleach. He sported a ragged black muscle shirt, and torn up jeans.

Fulton was not much better. His hair was disgraceful - flipped and damp with perspiration.

He grinned at Portman, who was lilting a low, bass note that crackled and faltered now and then.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. -"

"Portman, dear… please. You can _tell_ me how you feel anytime…just…don't…sing."

"Wh-why? You don't like it?" He whimpered, casting an infamous puppy-dog-eye-look. Fulton sighed.

"Okay! You can sing!" Portman grinned happily, and bounced around the room like a kangaroo on caffeine. However, he did not sing again.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Adam darted through the dorms, in search of some one who could help him. He was unsuccessful, and incredibly close to giving up altogether. Just then, Connie rounded the corner.

"Connie!" He shrieked hopefully, with a platinum smile pasted on his face.

"Oh…hi Adam." She raised her eyebrows at him.

"Will you please help me?" His tone was needy, as he contemplated whether or not to get down on his knees and beg.

"I'm kind of busy…" He immediately fell to the ground.

"Please? Please! Oh, Please Connie… Cons… Pretty please!" She giggled, and rolled her eyes.

"What kind of help?" He stood up, cursing himself, for now his knees were sore.

"Well…I need a makeover." 

"I'll say -" He cut her off.

"No..no. It's for a date." He explained with a blush.

"Ooh! Who's the lucky girl, then?"

"Well…uhm. You see…" He was completely flushed now.

"Oh!" She squeaked. "So Charlie finally got what he wanted, eh?" She added with a chuckle.

Adam looked bewildered, but said nothing. He was looking at Connie expectantly.

"Okay! Okay! I'll help you." She smiled, and Adam began to jump up and down.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

Meanwhile…

"Who can I get to help me?" Charlie muttered under his breath. He knew that Adam would look beautiful no matter what he wore, or how he wore it.

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But me, on the other hand…I could stop a freight train some days. I need as much help as I can get.

(Frankly, I agree…some days.)

He ran down the halls, knocking a few absent-minded ducks onto their rears. Averman happened to be one of them.

"Hey! You just squished my tail feathers!" Averman screeched, making a crack about being a duck.

"Sorry!" Charlie yelled back, while speeding around a corridor and bumping into Julie.

"Julie, yes! You have to help me!" She stepped back, raising her eyebrows.

"I do?" She seemed amused by Charlie's desperate tone of voice.

"Yes…I'm going out with Adam tonight. You have to help me." His eyes were pleading, and Julie smiled.

"Well, okay. I think we both know that Connie will have Adam looking incredibly glamorous…so we'll have a lot to do. Get ready."

"Wait…Connie's helping Adam?" He swallowed nervously.

"Yeah, I just came from her room. Trust me, we have a _lot_ to do." Her tone held purpose.

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"Fultooooooooon!" Portman whined.

"What, Portman?" He replied, a bit exasperated.

"Um… I."

"You what?"

"I…uh…I." Fulton leaned forward expectantly.

"You _what_?"

"Umm… I…I forgot." Portman grinned sheepishly, and Fulton groaned.

______________________________________________________________________________________

"Connie…" Adam whined.

"Shut up, Adam." She snapped.

"Connie!" He shrieked.

"Be quiet!"

"Owwieee…." He fussed.

"For the last time, shut your mouth!" She growled.

Connie could be very ferocious when it came to fashion.

"But Connie -"

"No buts! Beauty is pain, Adam! Lots of pain…" She snorted, turning around and muttering something along the lines of '_And that was _just _his eyebrows_'.

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"Okay, ducky…what's the style you're going for?" Julie inquired with a yawn.

Charlie shrugged.

"Well, there are lots…but in your case, most of them would look… bad, to say the least."

"Hey!" Charlie scowled, looking offended.

"It's true, so shh. You could go for a simple appeal." He nodded, and she continued, "You could have dumpy," She motioned to what he was wearing, "You could have preppy, or, of course, work off a casual sex appeal."

He nodded vigorously at the last option, and Julie walked to her closet, digging for a moment. With a flourish, she pulled out a black article of clothing, to a squeal from Charlie.

"Julie, I am _not_ wearing that!"

"Yes, you are." She advanced, as he backed away.

"You can't make me!" He cowered in the corner.

"Oh yeah? We'll just see about that."

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AN - Ok! This was written while I was watching Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. While in a fifteen-passenger van with six hyper baton twirlers, four spirited mothers, and more luggage than people! =) At the moment I was writing this AN, they were all asleep, or silent. It was excellent for me concentration. So, forgive me if the chapter is incredibly cheesy.


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